I know some of you may have already been following my journey. I have been gradually trying to show off the positive changes my body has been through recently, and the not so positive over the past few years. I’m writing this to share with you the story of my personal growth toward a simple goal, self love.
Any of my close friends could (and would) tell you, I am every fad diet or weight loss products best customer. I would buy any diet pill, weight loss shake, weight loss machine you see on TV (and the stuff you wouldn’t tell you mum about that raises your heart rate to frightening heights). You know the vibrating pad that you stand on so that your fat would just jiggle and it claimed it would tone your whole body… I’m the person that bought those things! MEGA #fail.
It all started with me being lazy and wanting a quick fix after I had moved back to my home town, Perth. I gained a fair bit of unhealthy weight (my mum called me McChicken Bum, yes, that was my go-to meal 5 days a week). After moving back home to the Gold Coast my goal was always to get skin-and-bone thin, I wanted to have that collar bone pop. My goal was never to be toned, fit or healthy.
Here are some throwbacks to when I had that unhealthy mindset.
In my mind every single person is beautiful for their own reasons. And I don’t see other people the way I see myself, but I wanted to be stick thin. That was what I thought would make me happy. I know now that my body shape is not designed that way. But I just couldn't get out of that frame of mind. I just wanted to be thin and I wanted it quickly. I had no idea about exercise and nutrition, I always thought that weight lifting, carbs and protein shakes would make me fat and bulky.
I would always yoyo diet, one month I would be down to 53 kilos then the next few months I would be up to 59 kilos or more, I would constantly weigh myself until I hit rock bottom mentally and physically. I started binge eating heavily and would vomit after every meal. This went on for a few months. I knew it was not healthy, and I was aware of all the overall health problems it would cause, but continued to do it until I would hit my "goal" weight of 53 kilos.
I had an unhealthy relationship with food and mostly myself. I hated exercise and could never find that motivation to get up out of bed. I hated my body, I hated all my flaws, I would always compare myself to others (I sound so cliché). I was self conscious and never confident in my decisions, I would always doubt myself. I am still learning how to grow with these issues and make positive changes in my life, so don't get me wrong, I still struggle, and I have my good and bad days.
After having feeling as though I had never ending issues in my personal life, I knew it was time for me to get help. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression (surprise). After being diagnosed, I was put on medication that I thought was my first step to recovery. My second step was signing up to a gym, I found somewhere that I would be surrounded by positive people, and I guess in a way it was also a bit of a social experiment. I would isolate myself from everyone on my bad weeks and in hindsight, I know it was not helping me one bit.
I signed up to F45 Tweed Heads where two of my (now) close friends worked as the trainers. They have been there from day one and still continue to push me to my absolute limits and encourage me to be the best version of me. I have not looked back since, the staff and members have helped me every single step of the way. Half of the people at F45 have no idea how much of an impact they have made on my life and journey to self love. Being surrounded by people who motivate each other to work hard, Every. Single. Day. made me absolutely LOVE working out, it pushes me mentally and physically (obviously) in a good way.
To this day I am still working on growing, it has been a long process for me, but with the help of others I am learning to love myself, my flaws, love food and to have a balanced lifestyle, and above all else to be confident.
Recently, after not weighing myself for months (the scales are the devil in my eyes), my doctor had to take my weight. He knows how I hate seeing my weight, and how much anxiety it would give me, so he told me I could look away but for the first time in a LONG time, I didn't want to.
I have gone from an unhealthy 53 kilos to healthy 58 kilos and for the first time in my life I was not upset or ashamed of myself. For the first time, I knew that I have gained a lot of muscle after the training and eating!! And in all honesty, I felt so proud of myself because I have never felt this good in my life.
I just want to share from my experience that the scales don't mean anything. Go with how you feel and how you look, if you are happy with that, than that is literally all that matters! Strong is healthy, eating food is healthy, fit is sexy!!!
My goal now, is NOT to hit the lowest number on the scales. I decide what choices I make, and I go off how I feel mentally and physically. I aim to be strong, healthy, happy and confident.
Recent pics of a much healthier Salli, physically and mentally.